Why moms become invisible. And what science says you can do to fix it.

baby doll eyes

baby doll eyes

I walk my tot through the halls of preschool and my son receives many warm welcomes. As if he drove himself there in his radio flyer.

He pulls on my clothes like a dog with a tug toy. Pushing the neckline of my shirt down. And the hem of my skirt up. Revealing what men once considered goodies. I no longer bother telling him to stop. Nobody is looking.

Men no longer look my way. Outside of giving me the middle finger when I drive distracted with a tantruming toddler in the back seat.

After many attempts to make people see me, I discovered they’re not the problem.

I’m the problem.

Being bored, makes you boring. And invisible.

The solution is to be interesting. To yourself. Here’s how you do it:

1. Put yourself in a new situation. By putting yourself in a new setting, that you can’t control, you become engaged. By stimulating your nervous system.

The key is to find a setting stimulating enough to engage you, yet not so much you feel stressed or anxious. For extroverts, it may require being with large groups. Introverts may discover a new bookstore or coffee shop hits their sweet spot.

Just go somewhere. Anywhere. Learn through trial and error.

2. Read, Listen and Question. Expand your thoughts by reading books on random topics. Or listen to podcasts. And question everything. Even the most boring topic can become interesting. If you ask enough questions.

Question everything, and share what you learn. Facebook or tweet about it. Self-disclosure activates the brain the same way sex and eating does.

3. Spend time with your most interesting friends. Research shows the biggest influence of our behavior is who we associate with. When we’re around people who achieved what we want to achieve, or behave as we want to behave, we believe it’s possible for us too.

By spending time with interesting friends, we become interesting.

Inevitably, the time will come where we must complete boring tasks. Do so without taking breaks. Breaks decrease your ability to adapt. With each break, we need to muster up the energy to return to the task. A little piece of you dies with every restart.

My husband believes when a woman gets action, other men pick up on it. And she becomes more desirable. I don’t know about that, but I know when we become interested in ourselves, we become interesting to others.

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