You’re not producing. Everyone needs to produce, says my husband.
You’ve been watching too much Walking Dead, I tell him. Nobody talks like that. I’m raising kids, and writing. That’s producing.
He accuses me of bait and switch. You used to make good money, he says. I also used to swish my hips wearing tall boots and designer handbags. Now I’m sporting Toms and a Dinosaur backpack with or without toddler in tow. This is your second marriage. You should have seen this coming.
I had to resign. They wanted me to travel. It was a 60 mile commute. What if something happened and I couldn’t get to the kids in time? You’re at sea. I can’t let someone else pick the baby up from daycare. 98% incorrectly use car seats. He could’ve been killed. I’m a hero for resigning. Don’t eye roll me.
Give me a few years. When he goes to kindergarten. No, not at age 5. Kids do better if they start academics later. I’m not making it up. Ask Finland. Better yet, let’s homeschool.
You should work out more if you want to marry up. You’ll get it right eventually. Maybe with your 3rd wife.
Previously published on Huffington Post
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